So many of us crossdressers can spend hours daydreaming and fantasizing about feminine underwear. I’m sure that a fascination with lingerie is what set us off on a path toward desiring greater femininity. Whether or not it was gazing at mannequins with frilly bras and panties on in the women’s underwear department in a shop or flipping through a lingerie catalog, something about the figure, look, or sensuality of these garments planted a seed in our minds. Even today I often find myself sneaking through the women’s underwear department in shops just to take a gaze and let my mind wander.
It was years before I built up the nerve to go into a shop and buy my first pair of panties. I was always a bit self-conscious and worried about what the saleslady would think. Because of this, I would frequently buy some piece of lingerie and race out of the shop without thinking if the size, color, or style was right for me. There was just something in those moments that made me want a camisole, teddy, bra, or just a simple pair of panties. Over the years, I’ve acquired quite a bit of lingerie that isn’t exactly right for me; either because I didn’t consider the size or color, maybe the style wasn’t the best. When I would get home, and try whatever I had grabbed in the shop, I’d look into the mirror and be disappointed. I’m sure many of us can relate to this situation.
So, let’s look at ways how we can alleviate this problem and try to figure out how to get the best lingerie for each of us. I’ll share some of my thoughts and ideas about how to get the most out of your lingerie purchases and collection.
1. What makes you feel sexy & confident
This can be different for all of us. I’ve spoken with quite a few women, crossdressers, and transgender women about this and the answers are usually all over the place. What works for one of us might not for someone else. I’ll try to share what I’ve learned and heard in hopes that it inspires you to experiment.
Quite a few women I asked said that they usually tried to do something a bit more daring when they want to feel sexy; perhaps by wearing something lacy or see-through. More than one said that they never realized that they were wearing an incorrect bra size until they went to a professional fitting. Once they got the right size, they didn’t have to deal with straps digging into their shoulders or a band that squeezed too tightly. I think this is some really great advice. We’ll discuss sizing in a bit, but there are some other great articles about getting the right bra sizes here.
Another common answer was to build a whole lingerie outfit, like a matching set. Lots of shops do sell matching bra and panty sets, but incorporating other less common items like a garter belt, stockings, tights, or thigh-highs can take these to a new level. I’m sure that the thought of looking at yourself in the mirror wearing a set of thigh-high stockings and matching panties is exhilarating.
The answers that I found the most interesting were when someone talked about how they liked to incorporate their sexy lingerie into their whole outfit. One friend of mine said that she feels particularly sexy when she wears a simple black bra under a thin white t-shirt; the silhouette of the bra under the shirt flattered her figure and showed off what she felt was her best asset. Another said something similar about wearing a G-string under a tight slimming dress. She said that when she did that, she could feel her butt move under the dress and whenever she glanced behind her the looks she was getting turned her on.
2. Getting the right fit
This is very important. I’ve not had many worse feelings than getting home and finding out that the panty I just bought is too tight to wear comfortably; maybe the elastic pulls too much or the waistband doesn’t come up high enough. It can be difficult to judge the right size of panties, especially since trying them on in a shop is a big no-no. I’d advise you to check online first; nearly every online shop has a sizing guide. You’ll need to know your own waist and hip measurements (these are different on women’s clothes). Be mindful of the fact that different brands may serve different markets and size items slightly differently; one brand’s size M might be another’s L. There is also one more thing to consider; you will probably want a pair of panties with enough coverage in the front to conceal your manly bits. Some skimpy G-strings or thongs might not do the trick.
This goes for bras as well. Obviously, since we don’t have natural breasts, we can pay somewhat less attention to the cup size (A, B, C, or D, etc.), but the band size and length of the shoulder loops is very important. Getting the correct band size is pretty easy once you know how to measure yourself. You’ll need to use a tape measure and wrap it around your chest a few inches below your nipples; note the number and round down to the nearest even number. The most common sizes will be between 36 and 40.
Getting a bra that is too tight will be constricting; it will leave an unflattering bulge under the band and when you take it off, and it might leave a red imprint on your skin. Most bras come with adjustable shoulder straps; just adjust them to your liking and comfort when you try it on. You will have to consider what type of filling you’re using when you do this. If you’re using a silicone breast form and the shoulder straps are too tight, the breast form won’t be able to sit right in the cup; too loose and the form could bounce around.
● Tights & thigh high stockings
Measure, measure, measure! Just like with panties, the sizes of tights relate to your hip and waist size. There is generally more flexibility with sizes with tights, but there is also an extra measurement to consider, the length of your legs. I’ve got very long legs and once I bought a pair of thigh high stockings without checking the length and they didn’t extend too far past my knees, consequently the finished look wasn’t very natural. This can be a big problem if you’re going to combine thigh high stockings with a garter belt; you don’t want them to attach to the belt and have the straps pulled so tight they might snap. It might work long enough to take a photo, but walk around a bit and I guarantee you that something is going to tear.
3. Flattering your shape
I acknowledge that this can be tricky for some of us; not everyone is as thin or slim as we would like. Also, our male bodies are not naturally as curvy or svelte as a woman’s. There are ways of addressing this. First of all, are you wearing only your lingerie, or are you just trying to have something that makes you feel sexy under your outfit?
If you’re just trying to be sexy in only your lingerie and admire yourself in a photo or the mirror, choose your lingerie carefully. Got a bit of a belly; choose a camisole or nightie with a looser flowing hem from under your bust. Maybe try a black teddy with full coverage, tummy control, and maybe some lace accents on the edges; combine this with some thigh high stockings with lace tops. Maybe you don’t have hips to emphasize; a pair of high-waisted panties will give the illusion of a smaller waist. There are loads of ideas and adaptable styles.
If you’re going to try and have something sexy under an outfit, there is lots of lingerie available that can add to your figure. Some shops sell panties with a bit of added padding to enhance your butt or hips.
Getting a good quality push up bra with a good amount of built-in padding will help with adding a more feminine chest under a tight t-shirt, you might even be lucky enough to get a bit of cleavage.
4. Choosing colors & patterns
I have never thought too much about this, but when I looked over my collection, I noticed that I only really owned darker colors. I guess this is because I am naturally quite pale and the darker colors contrasted strongly with my skin tone. I never considered lighter colors like white because I didn’t think they made me look good. You’ve got quite a bit of latitude here to choose what you like. Chances are that if your favorite shirt is dark blue or green, it’ll work for your lingerie too. A lot of people told me that they feel sexier when their panties and bra match; a mismatched bra and panty combination can often feel like we were rushed when dressing.
Patterns can be more difficult. Lots of people told me that lace fabric and lacey patterns made them feel sexy inside. I can see how this makes sense; the delicate fabric is inherently feminine; the transparency of lace gives it a see-through quality that can make you feel naughty.
5. Grooming & dealing with body hair
Now the final and maybe most important part; how can we deal with our hair. Personally, I have very hairy arms and legs; so hairy that if I shaved it all off, people would immediately notice. Over time I’ve developed a few strategies to deal with this, but none of them are as good as really being hairless.
● Body stocking
Because my hair is so thick, I’ve got to cover it because shaving it all off is going to be noticed the next day. The best strategy is to utilize stockings, multiple pairs.
Two layers is usually enough to cover most body hair. I have even bought pairs of flesh toned stockings and cut a head hole out and used the legs as arm coverings. This is really only ok if I’ve got a full outfit on and I’ve got my sexy lingerie on underneath. A small piece of advice I can give is to cut one or two finger and thumb holes in the ends of the stockings to stick your fingers through. This way the tights won’t slowly shrivel up and slide backwards revealing your arm hair.
Things like a full body stocking can work too; a fishnet body stocking can feel very sexy and hold back most body hair. Home alone, this works fine and gives me a feminine feeling inside. I tend to use a fishnet body stocking with a fairly dense pattern, but you could use a more permeable net if you’ve got less body hair.
I’ve bought mainly cheaper body stockings, sometimes from a Halloween shop, but I don’t recommend them. A cheap fishnet will break easily and even a small run in your fishnet stocking is much more noticeable than in a normal stocking.
I’ve not yet found a good quality full body stocking that meets my needs for sale in any shop; I’m sure they exist. If you have any recommendations, please leave them in the comments. What I have seen is almost like a full body stocking, but a bit thicker, with a long zipper that can go down the front. It can cling almost like nylon tights. Getting a lighter colored one of these, white or a light pink, paired with black lingerie would be very sexy in my opinion. I’ve even seen some that can cover part of your neck, giving your Adam’s apple some masking.
Finally, we can discuss the full body shave. This can be quite an undertaking, especially if you are quite a hairy person. I have a few pieces of advice to achieve the best results.
First of all, why not ask a female friend how they shave their legs and arms. You’re basically trying to do the same thing. Pay attention to the types of products they use. The razors women use on their legs are different than the ones marketed for men. Also, using shaving lotions or creams intended for women will leave a very feminine scent when you’re done. If you’re a bit shy to ask, there are product reviews online that can help you find the best shavers and razors.
Next, I would get yourself a dedicated body trimmer. I personally have reservations about using my beard trimmer on bits below my waist. Also, just like women’s razors, a lot of companies are making hair trimmers dedicated to your body rather than your face. I tend to trim down all of my body hair first; this makes using a razor afterward much easier and the blades will last longer. When it’s time to use the razors, be careful; the skin on some parts of your body isn’t the same as the skin on your face. Your shins have quite thin skin and a small cut on your lower leg will bleed and bleed. Armpits, elbows, and knees have looser, more flexible skin that can be easy to cut.
Lastly, it’s up to you how much of your manly bits you want to shave. If you’re worried about it, you could try waxing; please leave your comments if you have tried this. Here you have the problems of thinner and more flexible skin, not to mention the damage you could do if you make a mistake. (The artery on the top of your penis will spray blood if you hit it accidentally, and it will bleed fast! If you have an accident here you must seek medical attention immediately!)
I hope that some of this advice has helped or inspired you to seek out some new sexy lingerie, or helped you maximize the feminine results of your existing collection.
I love lingerie and only wish that more of it worked for us crossdressers more easily. No matter what your body shape or size, there is definitely something that can make you feel sexy and womanly out there. Be mindful of a few things when you prepare to dress and I’m sure you will be impressed with the results. If you’ve got any tips or things to share, please leave a comment, I’d love to hear your thoughts in this topic and what you like to wear at home!