Crossdressing is a habit that is still far from normalized nowadays, in spite of a more tolerant culture. Even though there is evidence of crossdressers throughout history, it is still, for some, a ‘’taboo’’. Fear of the unknown, uncertainty, anger and sometimes ignorance, may drive certain people to misunderstand the feelings that are going through a crossdresser’s mind. And all of this is more intense when it comes to your significant other for sure.
Revealing something this intimate to your couple might mean a stressful moment, to say the least. That is why, in this article below, I will give you a few tips to prepare yourself and the time to talk about your crossdressing with your partner. I believe that, although sometimes it may be hard, honest communication with your couple is essential to develop a healthy relationship.
If you want to talk about your crossdressing to your significant other and don’t know how I really encourage you to read this post in which I’ll detail the basics DOs and DON’Ts for that moment. Let me accompany you on this journey and I wish you all the luck in the world!
1. Understanding your partner’s feelings
Every person is different from the other, but we are all humans. We cannot forget this. With this in mind, we must be aware of how we feel and how we communicate these feelings to others and how they affect them. This is even more relevant when it comes to our partner. Communication and love are key for a healthy relationship and if you crossdress, it is very likely that you want to share this part of yourself with your couple. But as I said before, it is a very important moment in which you have to be sure of your feelings and how you are going to tell your SO. You are going to need a quiet time when you can connect with your couple to talk about it. You can’t expect the perfect moment to tell her/him as it is very possible this will never occur, but you can soothe things up. A relaxing moment when the two of you can talk uninterrupted for at least a couple of hours should be ok to start with.
If you and your partner love each other, talking with an open mind and heart will surely get to understand each other. That doesn’t mean she/he will enjoy this habit or will find it sexy at all, and you must understand this as well. It may take some time before your SO processes this idea fully. But it also may be impossible for her/him, a dealbreaker, and that’s a possibility that we must also address. In the first place, I’m going to list some basic NOT to dos oriented to respect your partner and prevent shocking her/him to turn the odds to your favor.
2. Some basics Not To-Dos
● No surprises
What do I mean with no surprises? Well, DO NOT leave photos of you crossdressed or clothes for her/him to find and DO NOT get into your partner’s wardrobe. And DO NOT by any means, plan for her/him to find you while fully crossdressed without prior warning. This will make your SO’s feel betrayed and will make her/him think she/he doesn’t know you, when that may not be true at all. If your couple finds women’s clothes she/he may think you are being unfaithful and that is not a great starting point.
● No pressures
You can’t expect your partner to immediately understand your crossdressing and enjoy it. And the longer you wait to spit it out, the harder and more dramatic the situation is prone to be. If you wait many years, your SO will find it more difficult to comprehend how you kept this to yourself all this time. But then again, with honest love, time, communication, and patience you will be able to share your feelings, which brings me to the next point
3. Be sure and honest about your feelings
By no means an easy task, before you talk about it, you must be honest with yourself and your feelings. Even if you have doubts regarding your sexuality or any other thing, you will have to come to terms with anything that’s on your mind. This will allow you to speak from the bottom of your heart and make it easier for the other person to understand.
You will need to be clear about how you feel when you crossdress and how it started so your partner can begin to see your point of view. You should also tell her/him why you do it, even though you may not have a fully elaborated answer to that point. But you must be clear and tell her/him about how you want to share this part of yourself and find the answer with her/him by your side.
4. Some basics Dos
● Take your time
When you are ready to speak with your couple about your crossdressing, you must take your time to talk to each other. And it is of utter importance that you do so without distractions and without a rush. When you do talk, you will have to keep calm and be receptive to your SO’s feelings as you expect her/him to do the same. Do it at the moment you are most relaxed, at your home on a weekend, on a trip just the two of you. The important thing here is that you take all the time that you need, especially if it is the first time you are talking about it.
● Be subtle and take it slow
A great way to introduce the subject is by joking around about how funny or different things would be if you and your partner were to change clothes. Or if you would have to wear each other’s costumes for Halloween. An innocent commentary may help you see how your SO feels about it. Once the idea is out on the table, being patient with your partner’s feelings is key.
Of course, each person is unique and has its own way to express themselves and comprehend the world around them. That is why it is impossible to make a foolproof guide since you are the most likely to understand and love your partner more than anyone else.
Be patient and love your partner as you want to be loved and you will be taking all the right choices to find renewed happiness together. But in case this doesn’t happen and your significant other can’t get her/his head around your crossdressing, it might be the symptom of some other underlying issue that may require professional couples’ therapy. If that’s the situation, everything written here remains true nonetheless. Remember why you started dating your partner and how you fell in love with her/him. Extend the understanding that you were expecting but unfortunately didn’t receive, and time will give you chances not only to try again but to learn from it and grow.
Be prepared to have long talks with your partner in the following weeks, months and probably years. You have to think that during the time you were dating or married, your couple got to know and fall in love with all the little things that make you, YOU. And that is where the emphasis should be. That even though she/he still has to meet a whole other side of you, it is still part of yourself, the person she/he loves.
Getting to share this experience and feelings with your significant other will deepen the bond between the two of you and will open up countless possibilities for both. The mere fact that you are able to talk about your desire to crossdress with her/him will make you grow as a couple and it shows how deep you care and how trustworthy you are. If you put your heart to it, I’m sure you’ll find a way to work it out. Remember always to handle things with the love, respect and understanding you are hoping to receive.
Summing up, find (and create) the perfect time for you and your couple to talk about your crossdressing, avoid any shocking situations and be prepared to listen to her/him. And above all, always be patient and remind your partner of the mutual love you have shared so far.
Before I leave you, my dearies, I want to congratulate you for thinking about confessing your crossdressing to your SO and wish you all the luck of the world. My love and patience thrive between the two of you. I really hope I was of some help if anything at all to you. I would really like to know about you and how you feel about coming out to your partner down in the comments. Did you tell her/him already about your crossdressing? How did it go? Do you have any other piece of advice that would be helpful for someone in this situation? Let’s leave some love in the comments for all the crossdressers out there! Hope to see you all very soon!
Written by Tina Munova